Contrast

Here are some pics I took while in Central Park a few years ago. I always found the contrast between the trees and the skyscrapers so intriguing!

Second Family

How wonderful is it when you can go to work and actually consider those you work with, a second family? I am doubly blessed because, for the most part, I work in such a place, and I also get a great sense of accomplishment from the work I do. Many would look down on my job, but to me, being a nursing assistant is not only a very hard job but is one that is very rewarding and does so much good for others. I know that I have often been referred to as an angel or treasure by both patient and family. I try to assure them that it is simply that I care and love what I do. Just seeing the good you can do is reward enough.

My friend Debbie was training a new nursing assistant last night. About halfway through the night, she commented on how Debbie and I had inspired her with how we worked so well together. We always have each others backs, we work like a machine because we know how each works, we know what the other is thinking and are just plain tuned into each other. When we come into work on the nights we work together, we get smiles and comments about us being the double d's. Yah...I love my job, co-workers and friends! How lucky am I????!!!

Cheap Therapy

There is something theraputic about blogging. Sharing ones thoughts and daily triumphs, challenges and the joys and sorrows. Putting thoughts and feelings down to read or be read by others. Sometimes we write in the heat of passion and go back and see things in a different light once the moment has passed. I think it helps us to grow as people and can even sometimes help others who might stumble upon our writing and "see" themselves in our words.

Today, I look at myself and see someone who is very "real" and just human, who is trying so very hard to become the best she can be. I am flawed, just like everyone out there. What makes me different from some others is that I am willing to see and accept and try to understand and change my flaws. I know I am a very passionate person. I love deeply, feel strongly, give generously and see that I deserve no less in return.

I enjoy my friends and family. I seek to spend time with them when I can and yet enjoy quiet time to write and reflect. As long as the time spent is quality, the amount doesn't much matter. I feel very blessed because mostly, it is quality! All in all, with the little annoyances with my health and nuisances in every day life, I am blessed and happy.

Out of Control

Good Lord but some people are out of control!

It always amazes me how some people can be so very peaceful and loving while others are "power crazy" and nasty and aggressive. I have seen this often through the years but got a double whammy with it yesterday and am, what you might call, rippin' mad! In both instances, people acted inappropriately and needed to be taken to task for it. ALSO in both instances, people are protected by the law. Go figure!

The first instance has to do with a friend. She has been dating this guy who at first appeared to be "perfect". Not long after, he started showing his true colors. Needless to say, he was less of a man than perceived. The last straw was him slamming the hatch on a SUV on her arm when she attempted to retrieve her house keys. I dunno but in my eyes, ya just don't DO that when you are a man! He ended up stranding her a great distance from her home and she was able to have the police intercept and get her keys and got a ride home. When she finally got home, this jackass had climbed through a window and taken his belongings. She would have gladly given them to him but he took it upon himself to let himself in the home. The law protects HIM because they lived together so very briefly. Really sick.

The second occasion involves me directly. Shortly before leaving work late last night, I received a phone call from my husband. He was very agitated and with good reason. Someone complained about our dogs being outside late. We, being considerate of our neighbors, only let them out for a few minutes to go before bed, so someone is just being a jerk. (Looking into ordinances today and gonna let em HOWL all time in between...LOL!) Anyway, this cop shows up at my house around 11 pm and shines the light in my 11 year old son's window, scaring a sleeping kid into running out of the room to find his dad. Next instant this jackass in law enforcement bangs on my front door (we DO have a doorbell). He was rude and ignorant and agitated my husband enough to slam the door so hard that he broke our outside light and my wall hangings fell. Seriously, what did this punkass cop think he was here for? Drugs? Guns? Murder? Nah...he came about a dog that barked for a minute or so! What a pathetic dipshit. These cops have no idea how poorly they are thought of by the townspeople!

Minor Work Rant

Forgive me but I just needed to vent a bit.

For those of you who don't know me, I work as a nursing assistant in my local hospital in the Cardiac Unit. Work I find very rewarding and I truly LOVE my job...most of the time. We can house up to 30 patients on our floor and usually have 2 nursing assistants. Many times I feel frustrated that I cannot give enough of myself to my patients and the nurses. I always say, " I have only 2 arms and 2 legs and can only be in one place at a time." Not that I don't try to rush and get it all done but sometimes you just cannot rush.

Last night we had an odd occurance which caused me to be taken from the floor to sit with a patient for a period of time. I was pulled to sit with my patient to "protect" him from his visitor because of a court order. Fun, fun, fun. Now, mind you, I have much to do and didn't really mind but when it turned into a full blown hour and a half visit...HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was very frustrated as I was now an hour and a half behind schedule. A short while later, I was pulled to help with his care by the nurse and it was very time consuming. This, to me, was not an issue as it involved the true care of my patient. Thing is, another nurse saw me again in the room (working hard on the patient) and passed a spiteful few comments.

Normally it wouldn't really bother me but the nurse who asked for my help truly NEEDED it in that room. This other nurse genuinely could handle her tasks. Yah, it would have been nice if she didn't have to but I am simply one person. I am sure she was peeved at my sitting and watching earlier but it was something I had to to. I just wish people would think about others when they do or say things.

Hasta La Vista, Baby!

Have you ever noticed that, although it may take some time, people always eventually show their true colors? Some show it right away while others can even take years to let you see. In the end, the true person inside always emerges to be seen in either all his/her glory or in his/her flawed characteristics. Either is normal as everyone has a bit of both that makes us all wonderful.

I believe, as I think most people do, that friendship is genuine and given from the heart without anything asked in return other than reciprocated feelings. We must realize there are so many different personalities in the world, along with views, beliefs and emotions. To be a friend is to respect each others views and feelings, as long as they are not of a damaging nature to oneself or the other.

This leads me to wonder about the "so called friend" who turns away from a friendship when it is discovered that their politics or views differ greatly from the others. Shouldn't they still be friends? Isn't it all these differences that make us all individuals and add spice to life and friendships? Without all these differences, it would sure be a boring world, eh? Shouldn't we be able to seperate our views and opinions from the genuine love and caring of another? I know my views and feelings differ greatly from some friends I consider very dear to me, yet I love them for the people inside and honor and respect their views because these are important to them and I would not force mine on anyone else. Isn't this how God would want it? Friendship and Love is much more important than views and opinions?

I recently had a "so called friend" remove me from her friends list on a social website. We had different political views yet I always considered her dear to me and nothing would have changed that. I loved her for who she was...the whole package! Now, I shall simply respect her decision with the grace and courtesy I give to all my friends.

Coping Mechanisms

Something heavy on my mind lately...

We are complex animals living complex lives in which we are not always able to cope with the difficulties that we face. As a result, we are subject to feelings of tension and stress, for example the cognitive dissonance and potential shame of doing something outside our values. To handle this discomfort we use various coping methods.

Here are coping mechanisms by type:

• Adaptive mechanisms: That offer positive help.
• Attack mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
• Avoidance mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
• Behavioral mechanisms: That change what we do.
• Cognitive mechanisms: That change what we think.
• Conversion mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
• Defense mechanisms: Freud's original set.
• Self-harm mechanisms: That hurt our selves.

Here is a full list of coping mechanisms:

• Acting out: not coping - giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
• Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
• Altruism: Helping others to help self.
• Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
• Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
• Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
• Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
• Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
• Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
• Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
• Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
• Emotionality: Outbursts and extreme emotion.
• Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
• Help-rejecting complaining: Ask for help then reject it.
• Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
• Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
• Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
• Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
• Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
• Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
• Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
• Provocation: Get others to act so you can retaliate.
• Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
• Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
• Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
• Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
• Self-harming: physically damaging the body.
• Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
• Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
• Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
• Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
• Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
• Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.
• Undoing: actions that psychologically 'undo' wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

So what?

To help people cope, find ways to let them safely let go of the stress that they experience or gain a greater understanding of the situation.

Remember that coping actions are usually symptoms of deeper problems and addressing them directly can be ineffective or even counter-productive. The best approach is to discover the deeper cause and address this, which will hopefully then result in the coping mechanism disappearing.

Be aware of your own coping mechanisms and move to more functional means of managing stress.

If you are using deliberate theatrical methods during persuasion, feigning a coping mechanism makes it harder for the other person to broach an apparently stressful situation for you.

See also

Defense Mechanisms, Theories about how we handle discomfort, Theories about resistance, Concepts in psychoanalysis, The Kübler-Ross grief cycle, Games, Resisting persuasion